Here’s the honest truth….sometimes the most difficult and most important thing that you will ever have to do is to just show up.
When my alarm went off at 4:45 this morning and then again at 5, my brain buzzed with reasons to stay in my comfy bed. 1. It’s comfy 2. It’s warm 3. SLEEP! I want to sleep longer 4. It’s raining 5. I’m sore, I don’t want to go to yoga. 6. It’s 5 am! 7. My bed, my bed is so freaky comfy. I think you see where I am going. The list is ongoing. I do this same song and dance with other areas of my life. Laundry. Kettlebells. Reading. Writing. My own work. Why haven’t I written a cookbook yet? Hikes. Plans with friends. The market. Sometimes getting myself there is the biggest battle. Because after yoga, after kettlebells, once my apartment is clean, once I’ve spent time with my friends, I FEEL/AM better.
I am a hider. Growing up I was super shy. I was terrified. I was a perfectionist. I was a people pleaser. I tried. I tried so hard. And I was completely boring/bored. I wasn’t living authentically. I wasn’t living creatively. I was not making any real connections because I was trying to make people like me, even though I was terrified to talk to them.
And then I entered my 20’s and something changed. I began reading a lot. I started following more inspirational leaders. I got to know myself. Because how can you live authentically if you don’t even know who the fuck you are? I found out (really I rediscovered and unearthed) what I was really passionate about. What gets me excited? What brings me bliss? What makes me feel most alive? I am so passionate about baking, writing, hiking, and people.
I feel those years of shy living denied me. Meeting so many awesome people, pretty much daily now, I realize I was totally missing out growing up. After a day at my farmer’s market booth in the summer, I ride a high all day from the mindful conversations I have. From the connection. From listening. Eye contact. From engaging with another human being.
With that being said, it is still out of my comfort zone to do the market. That shy, introvert still lurks inside me. Fear is in the car with me as I go on my journey. In the mornings those excuses run through my head. It would be easier to not spend spend 14 hours baking at home and work on Fridays. It would be easier not to stay up to 11 or midnight putting labels on all my goods. It would be easier to sleep in on my ‘day-off’. It would be easier to stay home rather than setting up my tent. Shit, it’s raining again, do I really want to go? And I am NERVOUS. Nervous for people to walk by my booth. Oh my goodness, they’re going to look at my little set-up, my backdrop. Is my tutu too much? Oh my goodness, what if they eat my creation in front of me? What are we going to talk about?
On goes this voice in my head. The thoughts stream. But ultimately I remember I have the power to choose. To choose not to listen to fears banter. Because I love baking and people more than I love being afraid and hiding at home. I know I have denied myself, do I want to keep it going? No!
Today I showed up to yoga. Early. I laid my mat out. I set my intention. I listened to my body. I breathed. I flowed. I surrendered. And the rest of my day, I felt good. I felt at peace. My body felt good.
In life we are practicing. I will never be perfect. I am a beautifully flawed human being. But I can aim to give 100%. To do my best. I can practice being better.
I’m doing some igolu goal coaching work with my rad cousin Jacki. Last week during our conference call I kept thinking about how this work is a practice. And she reaffirmed this for me on our call last night. This self-work. These goals. This inside work, is not just for this month. Or for whatever inspired book I am reading. It is life work. My dad and I say this all the time. We are practicing stillness. We are practicing patience. We are practicing being impeccable. On goes the list. And look at yoga, they call it a practice.
In order to practice we must first show up. To live an authentic life we must show up. To create our dreams, we must show up. Show up to our lives. Show up for others. Show up for ourselves. Get there. And don’t wait for the time to be ‘right’. Start now. Show up now. Write a page for my cookbook today. Sit down. Grab a kettlebell. Put down your phone. Have a real conversations. Go for a hike. Get your ass outside. Stop making excuses. STOP listening to that false truth voice ringing through your mind. Choose.