Relationship goals.Let’s talk about it, because it’s almost Valentine’s Day and that time when we talk about love. I see this a lot, this term relationship goals.. Usually referring to some celebrity couple. One in which we see one instance, but know nothing of the actual dynamic. We see the pretty polished package to the world. Such is social media too. A slippery slope into comparison. Relationship goals are good, but how we idolize others and theirs, maybe isn’t as good. Relationship goals should be unique to us. When we embrace our own unique selves, then we don’t have to compare to others. Plus we can be content within our lives and our relationships, instead of wondering why our significant other isn’t like _______ (insert a celebrity or someone you look up to). We meet and love them as they are. We truly open ourselves up to loving that person with an everlasting love.
This picture above, these are my relationship goals, happening now, in real life. My examples of love and marriage are beautiful. My parents are going on 38 years, my grandparents all close to 60 and lots of aunts in uncles in 25+ years of marriage. These relationships are not perfect. They have ups and downs, but they are shining examples of commitment. No matter their fights or the struggles they face, they are extremely loyal and have the others back. Family. Love. This was embedded in my upbringing and it is essential to me. I didn’t want to merely be married, a partner, for the rest of my life. Beyond the wedding, I wanted the raw commitment that comes with it.
For over a decade I patiently waited and prayed for this relationship. For this man. I knew the goals in my head and heart. I wanted someone fully committed to me. Who took and loved me, just as I am. A companion. Someone I enjoyed spending time with, so that spending the rest of our lives together (and eternity), would be a breeze. Someone I could travel the world with. And climb mountains. Someone by my side. I would see couples on trails, a little baby strapped to the front and I wanted that. That outdoor family life. To live in the woods and spend time on the road, exploring this magnificent world.
I held on to that for 10 years. I prayed on it. And then I left space for it to happen. I believed in it. So while I waited, I prepared myself. I wanted to make sure I came as a whole person, not someone who was broken, a needy co-dependent. I was going to be ready not only to give unconditional love, but I was going to be open to receiving it. I knew everlasting love and had a love for myself. I didn’t date a lot and I definitely didn’t sleep around. Either people weren’t asking me out or they weren’t the right fit. I have good intuition, so if it wasn’t right, I didn’t waste someone’s time (or my own). Yes sometimes I questioned this. Why haven’t I found someone? Why isn’t anyone asking me out? Especially once you get to a certain age, people ask you, and you feel pressured. But I would changed my perspective of how I was looking at it. I need to take advantage of this time. So I lived. I traveled and climbed mountains by myself. I jumped out of planes. I hiked. I talked to God and got really clear on my calling. I got in tune with my passions.
And while on the path of my purpose and obedience, I met my husband. In a kitchen. Being the only two people there in the mornings, for several hours, we began talking. I will admit now, that when I met him there was always something about him. Like I was drawn to him, something magnetic. Once I told my mother I had a thing for him, she told me she had known for months (mothers, they just know). And while doing a visualization with my cousin Jacki two months before we even started dating, I saw him. In the middle of my dream cabin cafe, outdoor dining, I saw him standing there waving, with a little toddler on his hip. The most brilliant smile on his face. As we dated and hung out more, it was effortless. And quick (which runs in my family so I embraced it). I knew very early on, that I loved him and that he was it. My person. My goals come along. So when he asked me to marry him 6 months later, it seemed so natural and I didn’t have to think.
Everyday he amazes me. How perfect he is for me. How in sync we are with our goals and dreams. We found ourselves in pre-marriage counseling answering questions on children, something we had never talked about, but we wanted the same things. He is more than I prayed and dreamed of, beyond my goals. How he asks me questions. Questions that most people assume the answers to. No one had ever point blank asked me what I believed. So I had to dive into my heart and use a lot of discernment. It is the little things. How well he takes care of me. How encouraging he is, he is always building me up. How he cheers me up by acting silly or grabbing me up into a dance. Plus he is so supportive. I hated my job, he told me to quit. Pursue my own business. His heart is so good. He amazes me, everyday. I could have a bad day at work and come home to him and my mood would just melts away. It’s like I can only be happy when we are together. We don’t fight or raise our voices. We talk about things before they’re a problem. And we view anger as a waste of time. And we look out for each other. What can I do to be a better wife? We put our focus first on God and his presence in our lives. And then we focus on each other, not what the other is doing for us, but we can do for the other. We just want to enjoy our lives together. Everyday I am so grateful for him. When he’s asleep I can gaze without teasing, fully able to appreciate him. Allowing myself to feel so fully and magnificently in love. It is truly amazing how your heart can expand not only to love more people, but to love your present people deeper.
And then there are the trips and hikes. This picture of him hiking with our dog, is nearly my full vision. And our trip last summer, was like a perfect little bubble. Beyond joyful. What a blessing he is to me in my life. How much better my life is with him in it. That is a goal worth waiting for.
And so I say set relationship goals, but let them come from your heart, not just something you see on t.v. Let them ring true to you. Pray on it. Believe in it happening. And wait. Patiently. While you wait, find who God created you to be. Still explore. Follow your dreams. And love yourselves and others so hard. And they will come, when the time is right. When you are ready.